well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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