You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
