You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
