I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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