he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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