Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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