Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Small penises have feelings too.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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