Fine. I'll sleep in my office
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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