I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
