Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
