last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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