wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
