Soap is not a condiment
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There r osticjed everywhere
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
