I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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