If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
