I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
