Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
