ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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