My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
