he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
