oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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