So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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