don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
