It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I enjoy the company of your penis
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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