Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
