She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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