Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
