If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
