My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
