true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
