Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
