You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
