Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
