You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
