I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
