I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
