she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
