I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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