if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
