My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
