My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
