Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
