I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
