i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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