woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's shark week go big or go home
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
