I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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