I just saw a hot homeless man
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
