yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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