yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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