Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
