So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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